thrashmongrell

Why am I here?

Sat, 20 Jun 2009 06:50:32 GMT

Recently life has become increasingly confusing. And in retaliation I have become increasingly distant. I lack an audience of approval. An applaud in the distant back seat, just anything. I am back in the lowest regions. So it's only up right? I wish I could lie and convince you that I was an optimist. I wish I could tell you the truth and say I was a pessiist though.

Isn't it funny how sometimes it takes being completely done with something before you can realize that yo don't need it and never did anyway?

Anyway these are random thought to myself and unless you were me I don't think they could be decifered.

Though I am writing to you as though I know somewhere someone lurks in the dark and is still at least curious. Fuck! hopefully batman isn't stalking me right?

Back to the train. Ice cream is dankness. This felt good i am appeased.

Burn the church. burn the state. burn the money that makes us hate.

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 15:41:27 GMT

School is eating me alive.... I wish I'd been a math major, I coud have walked through college with my dick hanging out of my pants. This stuff is killing me though. My god how i love it though.

So, I can't really even believe I remembered the password to this guy anyways. Just thought I'd stop by before they deleted it.

Tue, 27 Nov 2007 15:20:41 GMT

Umm.... girls are whores, and everyone else sucks, reminder to self to always remember these two things before engaging in any form of conversation with anyone. Oh yeah, school and life suck equally too. Maybe that calls for a p.s. but I guess not.

And here's how you know you love this girl.

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:41:19 GMT

I just had a gone pulled on me by my girlfriends dad. Now, I know this has come up alot in the past, but seriously. I could have been a robber, if the robber was hooking up with your daughter in upstairs in her room. But seriously the door was open all night, it was just an honest dry hump. Which I was promised never to happen again.

At least it was just a piece if shit 9 mil I know they don't have ammo for. I wasn't really scared but at the same time tomoorow is gonna be akward as hell.

I'm gonna climb a mountain, highest mountain, gonna jump off ain't nobody gonna know...

Mon, 02 Apr 2007 03:17:27 GMT

I am such a pessimist. I really think its a part of me though, I know it is a huge part of my sense of humor whatever I've twisted and melded that into along the way is. It's ok, I like it I can make people laugh, or I can be that creepy kid in split seconds from each other. I really wish I had went snowboarding yesterday it would have been wonderful.

Other than that my band has played two shows this weekend, both private. One byob one paying. My band is raking in about $800 or so a month for the past two months. it kicks ass. Soon it will be a paying gig hopefully, I am also trying out for a latin ensemble hopefully, but I must speak with the Morrocan first. Aside from that I haven't slept in three nights, drove home from evergreen wasted and drifting, once in the snow, once in the rain. I love my car so much. My mom thinks I've been doing blow again. Staying up watching TV all night till I have to work, staying out till morning every night then getting up at 9 and doing jagerbombs with her. HA I wish I could afford that shit, no Its something stronger, a much more powerful aphrodesiac. Not that I haven't been acting a little weird, but I love life right now. Staying up til sunrise every morning with her, raiding her dads records for Cat Stevens, Marshall Trucker Band, Traffic, anything under the sun and dancing the dinner timer away.

Soon we'll run out of stuff to watch, and to be honest I can't wait.

I don't wanna be stuck in jail, when the sun goes down.

Wed, 28 Mar 2007 17:14:43 GMT

Last night I went and saw String Cheese Incident again, only this time in vail. And it was fucking sick. I had so much fun I should be arrested. Actually the ride up there was killer everyone was cramped and then we got inside to hear some Bassnectar all kinds of other shizz. Chet got sick after first cheese set so me and Nyssa grooved pretty much all night long. The ride home was snowing like a motherfucker, and I guess Adam was trippin out. Cool, glad I'm alive. can't really remember making it back to my house, but it wasn't too far. Peace.

Why is it always in my bands best interest to upset me?

Fri, 23 Mar 2007 13:43:36 GMT

Trips, educational pursuits, or projects that could lead to new outlooks should be on your agenda. You may have difficulties while traveling or problems dealing with close friends or relatives. Business or pleasure trips will be knowledgeable as well as highly successful.

Hmm... but yeah. We played Quiixotes last Sunday with a bunch of scraemo shit. We always headline and all the little kids always scurry out before 10. Bitches. Not that I really care it's takes at least a few years of real life to even understand what we're trying to throw down in ya'lls ears.

Anyways, I will be headin out of town for a few days next week. I will be awsome, though I may never come back, that kinda scares me. But I am in the mood of doing what I say.

Other than that I have just been haning out with Nyssa, her and Zoe broke up and now, well now...

sweet I'm off to work or something equivalent.

Egg Drop!? fuck off...

Thu, 15 Mar 2007 18:58:33 GMT

I tried yoga last night for the first time. I hurt like hell today. Band practice today hopefully I'll be able to stretch out a little before hand. Other than that I guess I have more bills now, I need to pay of my cedit card asap.

Ahh...AH!....a....wah.HOO!

Wed, 14 Mar 2007 06:50:56 GMT

One sided attractions are likely. Minor accidents may occur if you don't concentrate on what you're doing. Think before you act. Unforeseen circumstances will disrupt your daily routine.

So I've just been sitting here waiting for a particular text message from particular people I don't usually like to text message and I've been really wondering why they put Shiraz in a clear bottle and Merlot in a red colored bottle that is the exact same color as the wine, not to mention the extrordinary similarities between the Shiraz and just about every other kind I've seen in the past month. There's something about coming into a house for a show of tongues at one oclock,

Oh well, only a Californian could answer my question, maybe I'll ask. I'm going to Lake Havassu for spring break pimp. I'm gonna get one trip on my KA before I do the swap in my car. I can't wait to get my Skyline front clip.

I missed Latin Fusion night tonight, which sucks. The salsa girls that dance are fuckin hot. Muhammed needs to hook it up with some with some foreign girls. I need out of this lesbian pipe dream, ahahaa. goddam

the only differnce between wine and a mixed drink is how well you can spell.

You take a bite, put it back on the shelf
we love you better than you love yourself

breaker to breaker and make up the process
rip the vantages, rip up the dance floor

Yeah, I think Mae Shi is the greatest band ever created. I qoute them in papers. I take classes about non-senese. Seriously, is there a school for insanity? yes. I go to it, I almost anticipate a epic coke bing about halfway through what would be half of my life. I don't want to live much longer after watching Rick James in a rock lounge.

But shit this choco thai takes gooood.
yes indeed peavey.
peace/...

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 16:53:22 GMT

I'm trying to break this writer's cramp, massage my hand and daydream
Out the window innuendo, watch the water find it's path down the glass
It seems, erratic direction, it's only perfection
Rest my head inside my hands, pace back and forth inside my mind
I wish sometimes I wouldn't reminisce so much
such things, tend to make one reflect and dissect situations to an extreme
Hard now to redeem what was there before
No more gone are those days and ways have parted
Gone from feeling solid trust to outsmarted
Anyway, I'm now moving on to a distance far from yesterday
It's best this way
I feel as though I've missed this moment of truth
Outcome uneventfull. I've lost the ability to feel sentimental
I can stare at a puddle and see a million places I love
It's comforting thoughts of places I've been, places I will never see again
Send my love to all who were there, wishing I could crawl back in
But I've transformed and the pieces wouldn't fit, so the sorenecks will cease
Eyes searching to the sky to try to find some form of peace
And I keep pulling up blanks, yet I'm wearing this mask for the sake of others
We all miss things I suppose, we must let go, well I'm not ready
Just let me sit in silence and soak in what's trailing down the window
to cleanse my emotions, to begin the process of preparing myself

Intake ambiance a tool for meditation
Progressing towards the clouds with at whom I am complete
Defeat the chains that restrain an eager sensation
Equal balance in and out, all inhibitions shall deplete

I watch the drop join it's friends and become one with the crowd
Reminding me all to well, forcing me to sigh out loud
Look into clouds, to envision, the inside of my head
I'm turing leave at this turning point. Remembering what they said
as they drove off one by one
they left taking pieces of me untill I felt empty inside
already looking forward to that day when I'd be returning
and I hadn'r even left yet
From then on I took the inside out approach
You're granted lots of time to think when when your new position is coach
And your team is sleeping the whole time, when it's 2:40 am in the morning
And you're in the middle of nowhere with the buzz of the AM radio,
the only one that's there
You think a lot about life, that's where it all began for me
the more I thought, the more more I began to clearly see
absolutely every aspect of life in a new light
I figured out my Rubix Cube.. well I got it somewhat right
And things are coming together as I slowly come undone
And the occurence known as the "it" is swept under the rug
and now my burden weights a ton
But it only makes me stronger and I refuse to break
I'm letting things pass by, for the family's sake
Just give me a picture of the truth so I can hold it near
and watch the rainfall, syncopated with one lonesome tear

love that song, I can never hear all the lyrics I want to

What's the true recipe for treachorous times? I tell em: Fat Cars, Danger, Fire, and Knives.

Sat, 24 Feb 2007 19:42:54 GMT

It finally becomes fun for me when I become comfortable enough to antagonize. When I've collected enough info to talk my way out of anything, it doesn't take much. One thing pretty much and alot of thinking on your toes. If I don't get but one chance, I'll obsess. What's wrong with me when I regret everything everyone else has done, but nothing I have. Selfrighteous? Asshole? I get the second one more often. I honestly think there is no one else left like me, I think I have become an anomoly. People don't really get what I'm looking for, and don't look at what I'm showing them.

I'm done looking, peeping moment by moment, for something not there. There isn't someone out there that, drinks like me, thinks like me, fucks like me. I just seriously need someone who can keep up. Unexaustable resources. I'm becoming overly mathematical, and dull. I don't give a shit, I need someone who can cope with me at all four times of the day in all my forms and complexities and not give a shit. I want someone who's given up on everything but themselves.

I'll take my seat atop the Brooklyn bridge, with a coke and a bag of chips.

Sat, 17 Feb 2007 03:56:10 GMT

Last nights show was amazing. There is something about being on stage, it's different than in my basement playing to no one. Last night made me realize something else, this is a paying gig. I can live off this. I love it when I'm nottinking of sit just swinging watcing everyone dance all fuckered up. After party at Rubys kicked ass too. We quadrupled everyone elses ticket sales and packed te p-lace up pretty good. Next show will be ever better.

to watch a thousand lemmings plumet just because the first one slipped.

tryin to get all my old music back...

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 16:27:32 GMT

Exhaustion will lead to minor injury if you don't know when to quit. Trips should be your choice. Sudden changes could result in estrangements.

So, for starters I fucking hate lesbians. That's it, end of story. Other than that today should be cool. Yeah, umm... so I was having a conversation in the shower with a scientist atop a mountain, we were debating the angle of the rocket being blasted to the other side. Simply put I built a few test rockets out of bamboo while he wqas doing all his math, I started to lift one off he shouted, "What the hell are you doing, my calculations are incomplete." I simply looked at him and said, "I love math but I can eyeball gravity."

I have alot of weird conversations with myself, I've been inventing characters the past few days as a kind of brain excersise. It has been helping a little with my memory. I haven't forgot anything serious on purpose in awhile. This morning jacket song fucking hits in my car.

I hate being born on a cusp.

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 15:33:49 GMT

Your irritability may drive your loved ones crazy. You will gain knowledge through your adventure. Clear up domestic chores that have remained undone for some time.

Thursday Hi-Dive, Rev. Weird Beard, go see it. Do it. I mixed a bluegrass song down on Saturday, couldn't get it quite to cd due to technical errors, but messing with a Mackie 32 channel is alot of fun. My group is pretty cool too, so that's awsome. Other than that woke up to the usual noon o'clock breakfast with Nyssa, late as fuck to band practice but it's ok it happens at my house. We didn't get anything recorded...

And if I were leaving,
would I catch you dreamin
and if I weren't gonna be gone long
could I take you home?
And if I told you I loved you
would it change what you see
and if I were staying would you stay with me
and if I had money would it all look good
and if I had a job now like a good man should
and if I came to you tomorow
and said let's run away
would you roll like the wind does
baby would you stay

and my heart is dancing to a november tune
and I hope that you hear me singing songs about you
I sing songs of sorrow because you're not around
See babe I'm gone tomorow, baby follow me down
And I don't know why I have to
but this man must move on
I love my time here, didn't know til I was gone
November shadows shade November change
November spells sweet memories the season blue remains

Your yellow hair is like the sun lite
however sweet it shines
bit by the cold of december
I'm warm beside your smile

old lady telll me I'm not leaving
you're everything I dreamed
I'm killing myself thinking, I've fallen like the leaves.

Mon, 05 Feb 2007 08:20:20 GMT

My hair is long enough to do dred curl thingy's again, some people say I look like Shirley Temple, I don't really care. My cars interior is almost ready to go back together, after some detailing. My stereo should be ubber nice, I can't wait for late night drives in the mountains. I aven't been riding in a long time. I saw Pans Labrynth tonight, twisted, more sides to it than I could have imagined going into it. Depressing really, almost as depressing as the blow sound track. I'm going to bed.

Thank you kindly, for thinking of me
if I'm not smiling, I'm just thinking

Come back sorry, happy or sad
When all is done and spoken,
you're up or I'm down

Can you show me a dream?
Can you show me one that's better than life...
Can you stand it in the pouring rain?
Neiter can I...

I walk the block with a halo and a stick, pokin your patience

Sun, 04 Feb 2007 11:42:54 GMT

So I've been awake for a good few hours now, just setting my drums up and micing. I wanna just sound check em up and get it done but it's like 4.30 so I think its a no go. This week has been fucking strange, kinda good though. I really don't have the focus to post these thoughts.

Lifes not a bitch, life is a beautiful woman,
you only call her a bitch
cause she won't let you get that sweet pussy.
Maybe she didn't feel ya'll had any similiar interests,
or maybe you're just an ass hole
who couldn't sweet talk the princess.

fuckin sexy.

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 07:45:39 GMT

not sure how long the dealer will host pictures of a sold car, but there she be.... I went to a mystery theater dinner tonight and holy shit was it weird, strangest experience of my entire life. cool peace

kyla cries cologne

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 16:14:42 GMT

Those close to your heart may be difficult to reason with. You will be accident prone if you aren't careful today. Do not react too harshly when dealing with partners.

Yesterday was a very very good day. I bought a Silvia again. Pearl white 1996, cherry with 111,000 miles on the bitch. I am so happy it is not funny, I love that car so much. It is the absolute sexiest car I have ever owned. I am so glad that retard hit me in my accord, it was so worth it to end up in another 240sx. I will porbably put pictures up somewhere soon.

Other than that school is pretty rocking now. My new schedule being much better. I guess they combine ear training and piano together now. Umm... hard, yes that's it. Oh well..

Tell them all to cut me off
with left hand, rusted scissors
on marbled covered mountains
you're the brimstone

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 16:14:56 GMT

I've always tried to live as the exception. To the rule, and any rule I can find and twist not ever quite breaking. I've always liked to live the dirty minus the consequence. I know I won't always be able to out run it, not forever. I think everyone lives dual roles, it's gotta be the only way to get by these days.

I landed a 360 tail grab yesterday behind my house. Nyssa is gonna come hit it with me today, maybe. Then school time. On Wednesday I didn't go to any of my classes, I dropped everything and spent the whole day re-scheduling. We'll try this whole first day thing again today.

Tomorow I think I am going up to Vail, that or Beaver Creek. I don't really have anyone to go with though... oh well. I am getting up butfuck early to do it, and do it I will.

if it's not real, fuck it.

Sat, 20 Jan 2007 08:45:23 GMT

Well there's a light in your eye that keeps shining
Like a star that can't wait for the night
I hate to think I've been blinded baby
Why can't I see you tonight?

And the warmth of your smile starts a-burnin'
And the thrill of your touch gives me fright
And I'm shaking so much, really yearning
Why don't you show up, make it all right?
Yeah, it's all right.

And if you promised you'd love so completely
and you said you would always be true
You swore that you would never leave me, baby:
What ever happened to you?

And you thought it was only in movies
As you wish all your dreams would come true
It ain't the first time believe me, baby
I'm standin here feeling blue
Yeah I'm blue

Now I will stand in the rain on the corner
I'll watch the people go shuffling downtown
Another ten minutes no longer
And then I'm turning around

The clock on the wall's moving slower
My heart it sinks to the ground
And the storm that I thought would blow over
Clouds the light of the love that I found

Now my body is starting to quiver
And the palms of my hands getting wet
I've got no reason to doubt you baby,
It's all a terrible mess

I'll run in the rain till I'm breathless
When I'm breathless I'll run till I drop, hey
The thoughts of a fool's kind of careless
I'm just a fool waiting on the wrong block, oh yeah
Light of the love that I found...

What was I thinking?

Sun, 07 Jan 2007 10:09:12 GMT

Honestly last time this happened my furnace went out I just can't remember what exactly happened. It was deja vu to the most extreme...from the walk to the goodbye. Life is one big cd stuck on skip, or repeat. I'm not tired, like usual I'm confused... Should I move out with Chester and Harrison? Most days I can sit back say fuck it all and prepare for the new. I've built something different, something I hate. I loathe. I can't even sit and have an honest conversation about pi, without hearing' "sorry I'm out of it."

I need mental stimulation now, I am so confused... I want everything I've ever loved in this life back, I feel like I'm missing a piece I need to be normal again, my music taste has been lost, Zoe is the last person I can remember aving a good music conversation with.

My jesus complex has left me baffled, movies fuck with me. I can't help but think I am thhe only one destined for shit. I was called economic today for a single statement, it felt kinda good, there was a single point my demenor got across that was considered economic, or unworthy. That word gives me hope and regret at the same time. I am so stubborn, it is totally rediculous.

Anyone intersted in percussion, foreign beats, and a genuinaly good female singer needs to ceck out Aphrodesia and listen up. I am listening to Frontlines right now and it is supreme jazzy, horn filled funkiness. We are playing the D-note on Monday as open mic night. 30 minutes, 30 seconds of which will be me soloing.

Thats all my brain can put together for right now,

Back to plan b

Mon, 01 Jan 2007 20:39:58 GMT

So my and as a myspace now so go to it, listen to our songs I don't care if your our friends or not or whatever but listen and go to our shows, or else. http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=143322289 there you go.

We played a show 2 nigts ago that blew ass, we might be playing monday too. Who knows. Last night I got plastered and threw up all over Breakfast Kings porc, it was funny. I wasn't beligerant or anything the hashbrowns were fucking nasty. But it was an ok night, as dumb as it sounds there were far too many girls making out with each other.

My dad is a pretty smart guy sometimes, I've been an ass hole all week and I am not drinking again for a month.

Thu, 28 Dec 2006 18:28:05 GMT

Enough about life let's talk about me. I have not been getting any deep sleep at all, I think it's a reoccuring cycle in my life every now and then I just don't get any deep relaxing sleep, it's a horde of fucked up renditions and mix and matched memories from just about everypart of my life, and it's not fun. Am I broken? I wake up incapable of walking cause my head is still spinning, it feels like I drank a handle of Jaiger. I think that is my biggest problem right now. That and the snow.

My 4 wheel drive went out last storm, I got in a car wreck christmas eve, and I am still so unsure about nyssa that I am starting to not give a fuck. I want no friends again, but I don't. I know what it's like trying to get everything back. I wish there was a someone as fucking nuts as me out there, but if that's what I wanted I would turn gay right now.

I saw both my old drum teachers at kings the other day. I felt bad, I haven't shown up to Chads in over a month, it's what I do. Fuck Bill, I think his band finally broke up. He did give me drum sticks though. I wish I had a life narrator go in for of me, or I wish I could just slap someone. Actually I know how to explain everything I want right now but there's only one way I've ever heard it put and truthfully it's a bad way to put it.

I am gonna go take som bong rips play guitar hero and thank god the purpla shit is in.

Wed, 20 Dec 2006 14:47:15 GMT

I was sort of a lucky twist of fate,
A world once lost, strange enough to choke an ox
It got me high, it brought me down
through a trap door I'd have never found

Green and blue, pink and fused
there's six million different hues to choose
There's no stop and no start, they sing
together more than some of their parts.

In times of doubt you'll find dirt,
where you used to think you once saw worth.
Give and take, wax and wane, I know it sucks
but I still love the earth

Freedom, and purpose with lots of time
to think about everything and nothing
on the road to unlimited devotion
it's great crusading but I've been
debating what I've been missing...

it's high and low all at once,
not one or the other
you know what I mean
there's no inbetween

subjects

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 17:52:20 GMT

Plan a day of enjoyment with them. Talk to those in a position of power about your intentions. Check your personal papers and make sure everything is in order.

Sometimes I sit here and think to myself, "Hey' what the fuck is wrong with you?" the sadder side of the story is most days I would ponder and answer pretty completely, I am an ass and pretty much worthless, in most scenarios. My horoscope said I'd find true love yesterday, haha it was the first time in awhile it had said something like that, and while I definately could have got fucked in a bar bathroom by at least a few girls I don't think it quite applys, but it was probably more entertaining.

Our shows progressivly get better and better, I don't even consider last night a waste of time it was just pure fucking awsomeness. Drum solos earn respect, that all I really want too, well that and a hundred other things. peace.